Why You Might Eventually Do Something You Don’t Want to Do…

… And What You Can Do About It Have you ever told yourself that you wouldn’t do something? Maybe you said you wouldn’t eat too much at a party. Maybe you told yourself that you wouldn’t speak too soon at a meeting. Or maybe you just told yourself that you wouldn’t break the speed limit on the way home from work. Whatever it was, you told yourself that you wouldn’t do something that you either normally do, wanted to do, or habitually do, and you eventually “gave-in”... [Read more]

One Way To Guarantee That Your Suggestion Is Ignored

I have noticed one behavior many of us use that almost guarantees that our suggestions, solutions, and opinions will be ignored when we offer them: We tell people what to do before we have heard their whole story. When we offer people suggestions, solutions, and opinions before we have heard them out, they often do not care what we have to say. So, they rarely listen to and fully comprehend what we are suggesting. The suggestion might be useful. It might be right on target. It might be exactly... [Read more]

If You’ve Got Something To Say, Stand Up and Say It

Earlier this week, I attended the ASTD conference in Chicago. As I worked in the Kevin Eikenberry Group booth, I noticed an interesting dynamic happening at the booths around me. Where someone was willing to stand on a platform and speak, other people were willing to stop and listen. In fact, it looked to me like people were not just willing to listen; they wanted to listen. Likewise, at the booths where people sat and waited for the conference attendees to approach them, nothing happened. So,... [Read more]

Effective Communication Skills: Use And More than But

This is a simple, straightforward communication technique that you can use immediately to improve your ability to connect and communicate with others: Use “and” more than “but”. Imagine that you and I are in a conversation and that you have just shared your opinion with me. Compare these two responses that I might make: “You know, that’s a good point, but …” “You know, that’s a good point, and …” With the first reply, it... [Read more]

Effective Communication: Begin With The End In Mind

In his classic success text, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says we should begin with the end in mind. I have seen this concept discussed in a number of ways and in a variety of contexts. And today, I was reminded of the importance of this concept in virtually every area of our lives. Specifically, I received feedback from a coaching client about how this concept had helped her in her professional life. This particular person is a hard-working, intelligent, kind, and... [Read more]

The Positive Runs Out

This afternoon, I recorded a webinar on employee motivation techniques. During the webinar, I discussed a model of human behavior that helps to explain why people do what they do. The main learning point from this model is that people generally do what they do because of what they expect to happen after they do it. After the webinar, I was speaking with my friend and colleague Kevin Eikenberry. We discussed the webinar, and, as we spoke, I remembered an event from a training class I lead on this... [Read more]

How To Get People To Do What You Want

This week, I have lead two-days of Bud To Boss training and participated on two expert panel discussions at a major trade show. All week, I have been sharing my thoughts and insights on communication skills, motivation theory, leadership, team-building, and persuasion. The thought behind much (not all) of what I was asked in my role as seminar leader and expert panelist basically reduced to this: How do I get people to do what I want them to do. My short answer: you don’t. People do what... [Read more]