Archive for Persuasion

Delivering a package

If you lead others, you are in the change business. When you are in the change business, you will eventually have to deal with resistance to your ideas, the direction you want to go, the new behaviors you are expecting, and more. Dealing with resistance is a normal part of leadership.

When you attempt to create change that involves other people, they will inevitably ask the question: “What’s in it for me?” Until they get a satisfactory answer to that question, the odds that they will stay locked in resistance are pretty high.

In order to transform resistance into acceptance, give people an answer to this question as soon as possible. When you give the answer, deliver it in a way that people see the personal, positive benefits of the change from their perspective.

If you have been reading leadership development resources for any time at all, this concept is probably not new to you. While the idea is not necessarily new, many new leaders fail in their efforts to answer the question effectively for a very simple reason – they fall prey to what behavioral analysts call “perception error.”

Perception error is the tendency most people have of misreading other people’s perspectives and motivations by assuming that other people do things or are motivated by the same things that motivate the leader. For example, I am very factual and data driven. If I am not very careful, I tend to give people far more information than they care about. When I do that, I give them what’s important to me rather than what’s important to them – I fall victim to my own perception error.

The simple solution to this challenge is to match your word choice, tone, pace, level of detail, and energy level to the person receiving the message. When you do this well, you improve the odds that they hear “what’s in it for them” in your message rather than “what’s in it for you.”

Here are some tips to help you do this more effectively:

  • Match your vocal pace to theirs. If they tend to speak quickly, then speak quickly. If they speak more slowly, then slow down.
  • Use words the they would use. For example…

    If they talk about how they feel about the change. Then talk about feelings and emotions. Make sure you smile and use more stories than facts to relay your vision of the post change situation.

    If they talk about what they think about the change, then talk about thoughts and facts more than about feelings. Stay focused on projected results, data, and value created by the change.

In any case, do the best you can to make the communication clearly state how the change will affect them rather than how it will impact the organization.

Your Now Step:  Think about a change you hope to create within your team. Now, think about a person that you need to communicate with about this change. Do they speak quickly or more methodically? Do they focus on results and facts or emotions and relationships? Practice tailoring your delivery to match them.

Votaire

Francois-Marie Arouet Voltaire, 1694-1778

In a conflict, it is often tempting to go on the attack in an effort to make your point. In fact, it’s a natural response to a situation you perceive as physically or emotionally threatening in some way.

In most workplace situations, none of us will be in an imminent physical threat situation when we are in conflict. Most of us will, however, experience what we perceive as an emotional threat.  We feel threats to our position, our expertise, or our experience. We feel disrespected, disliked, or unheard.

All of these situations feel threatening, and they are not physically threatening. Thus, our natural response is not likely to be the best response.

This weekend, I read about a situation where the French author and philosopher Voltaire was in actual physical danger, and he used the power of relating to his opponents to turn the situation.

In 1726, Voltaire was exiled to England as the result of a conflict he had with a powerful and influential French family.  At the time of his three-year stay in England, there was a great deal of friction between France and England. This friction between the two nations occasionally put Voltaire at odds with the people he met in his new host country. Sometimes, he was in truly physically threatening circumstances.

One day, he found himself caught in an angry street mob1 that shouted things like: “Hang him. Hang the Frenchman!”

Confronted with this challenge, Voltaire replied: “Men of England! You wish to kill me because I am a Frenchman. Am I not punished enough in not being born an Englishman?”

The crowd then cheered and escorted him back to his home.

In a moment of physical threat, Voltaire won the crowd and his safety by connecting and relating with them. If it worked for Voltaire, it just might work for you in much less challenging situations.

Learn to use the power of tact and relationship to turn conflicts towards resolution and away from escalation.

1 Fadiman, Clifton; Editor. The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes. Boston. 1985. 566. Print.

Persuasion and Influence

Have you ever read a dry, boring email, blog post, letter, or proposal?  If you have, you know how dreadfully non-persuasive they can be. You also know how easy it is to miss the message the author attempted to convey.

If you want to have your message read and acted upon, here are five tips – secrets – for more persuasive writing…

1.     Write from your reader’s perspective

Before you start, consider the viewpoint that your readers will likely use as they interpret what you have written. In another post, I wrote about this consideration based on their DISC style, and it is only one of the factors to consider.

Some of the other factors you could consider are:

  • Your relationship with them
  • Their position in the organization
  • Pressures they might be facing
  • Anything in their role or relationships that might limit their ability to act on what you propose
  • Their past experiences

The list above is not a complete or exhaustive list. It does highlight some of the main items to factor into how you deliver your message and what might affect your persuasive power.

2.     Write the way that people read

Consider these two ideas:

  • Most business and personal communications are intended to quickly communicate an idea.
  • Many people do not like to read long paragraphs and sentences (especially on computer screens).

 Unless you are writing a novel or an academic research paper, use short sentences, short paragraphs, and lots of white space.

 3.     Anticipate and address your reader’s greatest objections

 If the purpose of your communication is persuasion, your reader will likely object to something in it. When you write, attempt to anticipate these objections and include information to address them.

 4.     Use comparisons

For a number of reasons, new ideas tend to bounce off the human brain the way tennis balls bounce off a concrete wall. Comparisons act like glue to link new ideas or difficult concepts to simpler or already accepted ones so that they stick.

A comparison of any kind – metaphor, simile, or analogy – can help your reader to both understand and remember your message so that they take action on it.

5.     Tell stories

People tend to experience life as a chronological story and to think about new ideas based on how the new idea fits into the story in their mind. Presenting an idea in a story makes the idea easier to receive. Like comparisons, stories help ideas stick in the mind of your reader.

When my children were young, my wife and I read stories to them. We chose some of the stories for the express intent of teaching them a new idea.  For example, we used Green Eggs and Ham to teach the concept of trying new foods before rejecting them. Thinking of the character Sam while we were at the dinner table helped them to visualize what we wanted them to do – try the food before saying “I don’t like it.”

If you can find a way to present your idea with a story, do it. Your writing will be more persuasive.

The danger of writing about how to write better is that, well, it’s in writing. As a result, I run the risk of violating the very secrets that I propose. From your perspective, I may have done just that. If I did, I would welcome constructive comments to help me – and my readers – improve.

If you would like other suggestions, here’s a post over at Copyblogger that also tackles the idea of more persuasive writing.

There are two musical instruments I would like to play. One is the saxophone and the other is the guitar.

When I was in the fifth grade, my parents placed an order to rent a saxophone for the following school year so that I could join the band and learn to play. Over the summer, we moved to a different city where band started in fifth grade. I was out of sequence with the school system, and I wasn’t able to take private lessons.

I didn’t learn to play the saxophone that year.

Somewhere in my teen years, I thought about playing the guitar. I eventually got one — I think I was about 18 or 19. It sat in my closet until I was in the Navy and I had a roommate with a guitar.

With my roommate’s coaxing  and help, I learned to play — a very little bit. We were assigned to different submarines, and I put down the guitar. I have no idea where that guitar is or what happened to it.

That was about 25 or 26 years ago.

This past Christmas, my youngest daughter asked for a guitar, and she got one.

She will be leaving home this fall to attend the residential honors high school that her older sister graduated from a few weeks ago. In short, both of my girls will be out of the house starting in August.

As I thought about my youngest daughter leaving home to attend school, it occurred to me that she would only be with me full-time for about eight more months. If I wanted to do something with her to build memories and relationship, the time was short.

When she got her guitar, I also thought about my goal of learning to play the guitar.

Suddenly, the goal that first surfaced over 30 years ago had a new meaning.  It was now about something I could do with my daughter.

The “why” of the goal moved from the sort-of-a-neat-idea category to the I’ve-got-to-do-it-now-because-it’s-very-emotional category.

The guitars in the picture with this post are ours. My daughter’s is on the right. Mine is on the left.

For leaders of any kind — managers, supervisors, business owners, coaches, teachers, or parents — the lesson in this story is key to understanding what might motivate someone to take action.

It’s the “why” not the “what” that gets people moving.

I had a new guitar in my home as quickly as I could make it happen when the emotion behind the goal got big enough. That emotion wasn’t about money, recognition, or any other externally applied consequence.  And buying the guitar was not, ultimately, about the guitar. It was about time with my daughter and memories.

When you find ways to communicate with people about issues bigger and more emotional to them — to them is the key point here — they will move to action to accomplish the goal.

I am not suggesting that external motivators have no impact.

I am suggesting that looking for the personal, emotional hook and clearly communicating the connection between the task or goal and that emotional hook will get you more high-energy, discretionary effort than anything else you can do as a leader.

In a  post about finding what motivates other people, I shared some insights that might help you in the process of finding that emotional hook. It’s not always easy. It can often be done.

By the way, I still don’t own or know how to play a saxophone. I guess the “why” isn’t big enough yet.

This morning, I read a great post by my friend and colleague Kevin Eikenberry.  In this post, Kevin makes a great point we can all learn from the campaign process that those of us in the United States have been watching for the last few weeks.

In addition to triggering some amplifying thoughts for today, it reminded me of a post I wrote several months ago on Why You Shouldn’t Take Conflict Resolution Lessons From Politicians.

If you want to become a better communicator, I recommend that you read his post, and I offer the following thoughts to build on Kevin’s observations.

As I lead workshops on conflict resolution, leadership, team dynamics, and communication skills, this communication tip frequently comes to the surface for discussion:

Say what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want.

To illustrate the power of this tip, imagine a young child walking across your kitchen with a cup of milk.

Assuming that you want them to get the cup safely to a counter top without spilling it, you could say:

  1. Don’t spill that milk. – or -
  2. Please be careful with that cup.

The first statement says what you DON’T want. The second, and more powerful statement, says what you DO want.

Photo by JoelMontes