Get ready, this is a bit of a rant.

Nothing happened to set me off. There was no “precipitating event” this morning.  This is just a frustration of mine that has been building for some time. Ready? Here goes…

Why do we blame other people when we don’t do everything we can do to fix or change a bad situation?

Parents blame teachers and teachers blame parents for poor test scores. Managers blame employees and employees blame managers for poor business results. Parents blame teenagers and teenagers blame parents for misunderstandings.

I completely support the idea of holding people accountable for their words, actions, and responsibilities. I believe that people are responsible for both their actions and their failures to act.

I also believe that you cannot hold someone else accountable if you have not, first, done everything in your power to fix the situation.

Doing my part has nothing to do with you doing your part. It’s my responsibility to do everything in my power to make things better whether you choose to cooperate with me or not.

The moment that I make my contribution to making things better contingent on you doing your part, I abdicate my responsibility.

Yes, I understand that people get frustrated and give up when other people don’t eventually cooperate. I get that.

I’m not suggesting that we should keep pursuing relationships that have no hope of reciprocal effort or that we continue to work in environments that are toxic or dangerous (either emotionally or physically) beyond our ability to change them.

I am suggesting that we make sure we have done whatever we can do before we even begin to think about pointing our fingers at other people.

Here’s my personal responsibility pledge:

From this day forward, I pledge to always give my best and fullest effort to a business, organization, cause or relationship that I am involved in before I start blaming other people for its failure.

Will you join me today in taking the personal responsibility pledge?

Related posts:

1. Victim or Victor – You Decide

In this time of Olympic competition, I wonder about these sorts of questions.

Evan Lysacek beats Yevgeny Plushenko by playing the scoring system to its fullest, and he wins. Then Plushenko plays the victim. In my opinion, he lost – end of story.

Maybe Plushenko is more daring. Maybe he is the better physical skater. Maybe the scoring system should reward the quad more highly than it does. Maybe the system should be changed to better reward risk and daring.

These issues are far beyond my knowledge of skating. I don’t know how to address the systemic issues. I do know that Lysacek understood the rules of the game he was playing better than Plushenko. Lysacek applied the rules to his program, and he was the victor.

Now Plushenko plays the victim and cries foul. Well, he’s a poor sport as far as I’m concerned. Plushenko blames, criticizes, and ridicules Lysacek. Is it Lysacek’s fault that Plushenko didn’t know how to play the game? I don’t think so.

It’s not Lysacek’s fault that Plushenko didn’t plan his program to take full advantage of his athletic ability to gain as many points as possible. The fault is Plushenko’s.

What, you might ask, has any of this got to do with the topic of this blog?

The answer: it’s about personal responsibility.

When we blame our circumstances or outside factors for our behaviors, we abdicate responsibility for our actions. We give away the only control we really have – the control over our words and actions.

Earlier today, I read a post by my friend and colleague Kevin Eikenberry titled: Who Is Responsible, Really? In his post, he calls it a rant, he makes an argument for why we need to take personal responsibility for our actions. I could not agree more.

Do outside events affect us and drive our behaviors to a certain extent? Of course they do.

Do other people’s behaviors affect us and our emotions? Of course they do.

Do we often overlook the influence of environmental factors when evaluating the behaviors of others (Fundamental Attribution Error)? Absolutely we do.

None of this takes away from the point of this post: If we want to win, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. If we want to be great communicators, leaders, parents, spouses, friends, family members, and co-workers; we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

Playing the victim, blaming others, and looking for others to fix our situation are futile efforts. As I heard in the Navy, you need to “man up” if you want to win.

Just for comparison, take a look at the definitions of victim and victor:

vic·tim (n.)¹

1. One who is harmed or killed by another: a victim of a mugging.
2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite.
3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.

vic·tor (n.)²

One who defeats an adversary; the winner in a fight, battle, contest, or struggle.

External events can happen outside my control. Other people may treat me in ways that I cannot control. Economic turmoil and business conditions are usually beyond my control. Winning or losing a particular event, situation, or circumstance might be beyond my control.

Thinking like a victor or a victim is in my control. Victors defeat adversaries. Victims have no control. In the battle to become a better parent, leader, spouse, and co-worker; the battle is with myself. The battle is to overcome my own self-limiting thoughts and emotional responses.

There is no Fundamental Attribution Error when I evaluate myself. There is either the honesty to confront my failures and to learn from them or the dishonesty of blaming others when I didn’t control myself.

Plushenko didn’t learn the rules of the game well enough. He did what he wanted to do rather than what would bring him victory. Lysacek played the game based on the rules as they were given to him.

In working with people, we can either try to change human nature, or we can learn to work with it. We can say that people shouldn’t behave the way they do, or we can learn to understand the way they do.

I cannot control how other people behave. I cannot control many circumstances and events. I can control how I respond to them.

In working with people, you can take the Plushenko approach (this is how it should be) or the Lysacek approach (this is how it is). Plushenko lost. Lysacek won.

In the battle to make yourself a better person, you can be either a victim or a victor. You can’t be both. The choice is yours.

Related posts:

1. Decision Making 101 – Check Your Emotions Before You Decide
2. Why You Might Eventually Do Something You Don’t Want to Do…
3. A DISC Model Question You Should Ask of Yourself

I have only known the product as a protective wrap for packaging. Interestingly enough, packaging was not its originally intended application. The inventors first thought that it could be used as a wall covering.

When the wall covering idea didn’t pan out, they shifted gears and founded the company that made Bubble Wrap famous – Sealed Air Corporation.

From wall covering to packaging product and eventually to a nearly $5 billion dollar/year business. That’s quite a reinvention.

I think we can all learn a thing or two from this story. Here’s one idea that immediately struck me today when I heard it:

Reinvent Yourself For Greater Success

The idea of reinventing yourself may not apply to everyone, but it does apply to many of us. Maybe you have lost a job you have had for a long time. Maybe your business crashed in 2009. Maybe you’re just tired of doing what you’ve been doing for the last 10, 20, or 30 years. I don’t know your specific situation. I do know that you can reinvent yourself. And, like Bubble Wrap, you just might achieve greater success.

Reinvention is part of my story. Here’s the short version.

• Nearly 20 year’s in technical training and/or roles:
  • Bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering
  • Nuclear Engineering officer in the US Submarine fleet
  • Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering
  • Process/product development and Technical service roles in the Chemical industry
• Communication skills, conflict resolution, team building, and leadership development trainer, coach, and consultant.

Did you catch the reinvention part of the story?

You see, I’m a lot like Bubble Wrap. For part of my career, I diligently pursued technical roles. They fit my personality, and the technical work was comfortable. I just didn’t enjoy parts of the environment I worked in when I did the technical work. So, I made a change.

The change has not always been easy. In fact, it hasn’t always been profitable. I have enjoyed what I’ve learned. I’ve enjoyed the flexibility to take my daughter’s to school pretty much whenever I want. I’ve enjoyed the freedom to generally work the hours that I want to work. Funny thing is: I work longer hours now than I ever did when I worked for other people (except for the time I was in the Navy).

I’m  not suggesting that reinvention is for everyone. Nor am I suggesting that the path to success after reinvention is free of obstacles. I am suggesting that reinvention is possible.

So, as we celebrate the 50th anniversary of Bubble Wrap, let’s learn from it’s early history. When your initial idea doesn’t work out as planned, look for new ways to apply what you have learned.

Related posts:

1. Just Do Your Part: Take the Personal Responsibility Pledge