Exercise Your Power of Choice in Conflict Resolution

In many cases, the path from conflict to resolution is like traveling down a dirt road in the country. It’s a little rough. Dirt might get in your eyes so that you don’t see clearly what lies ahead. You have to go more slowly than you do in other situations. Once you are on the road, you have to keep going. It is too narrow to turn around and go back the other way. At some point, you come to a fork in the road and you have to make a choice. In the first few moments of a conflict... [Read more]

Being Too Nice Can Hurt You

A few weeks ago, I read an interesting article titled On the Job, Nice Guys May Finish Last. The title immediately caught my attention, and I had to take a look. In reading the article, I saw an immediate connection to my work and for other people interested in using the DISC model in their professional and personal lives. The point made in this article is particularly significant for people with supportive tendencies (people who are people-oriented and reserved). People with strong supportive... [Read more]

The 7 Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution

As I watch and participate in conflict conversations and conflict resolution efforts, I notice patterns of behavior that consistently produce bad results. In a recent conversation with one of my coaching clients, we started to discuss these patterns of behavior. We jokingly began to call them “The 7 Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution.” The conversation stimulated my thinking about what NOT to do in conflict resolution. Sometimes, knowing what NOT to do can be as helpful as knowing what... [Read more]

Effective Communication Skills: Use And More than But

This is a simple, straightforward communication technique that you can use immediately to improve your ability to connect and communicate with others: Use “and” more than “but”. Imagine that you and I are in a conversation and that you have just shared your opinion with me. Compare these two responses that I might make: “You know, that’s a good point, but …” “You know, that’s a good point, and …” With the first reply, it... [Read more]

Hear and Understand to be Heard and Understood

I don’t know about you, but I often get frustrated in conversations when the other person simply will not slow down long enough to hear what I have to say. On a number of occasions lately, I have had the opportunity to work through these types of conversations with other people. We both wanted to be heard, and both of us were talking. In reflecting on the situations, I recall some things I learned as a practicing engineer. I remembered concepts from the physical world that paint a clear picture... [Read more]

Effective Communication: Begin With The End In Mind

In his classic success text, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says we should begin with the end in mind. I have seen this concept discussed in a number of ways and in a variety of contexts. And today, I was reminded of the importance of this concept in virtually every area of our lives. Specifically, I received feedback from a coaching client about how this concept had helped her in her professional life. This particular person is a hard-working, intelligent, kind, and... [Read more]

“It’s cold in here” and Other Fighting Words

This post continues the thought I introduced in my last post – stating opinions as facts. I have noticed that people often state their ideas in a factual way when they are actually only opinions or perceptions. Here are some examples of perceptions stated as facts: “It’s cold (or hot) in here.” “The iPod (or some other brand) is the best mp3 player on the market.” “Ford (Chevy,Honda, etc) is the best car maker.” “Avatar (The Hurt Locker, The... [Read more]