Business Relationships | Guy Harris: The Recovering Engineer

Archive for business relationships – Page 2

Oct
10

Do This If You Want to Guarantee Conflict Escalation

by Guy Harris

Today, as I sat in an airport business lounge waiting for a flight, I overheard bits and pieces of another traveler’s conversation. I wasn’t trying to overhear. I just couldn’t help but overhear because his volume kept getting progressively louder.

From what I could tell, he was engaged in a bit of a conflict conversation.

I could also tell that he was making a common mistake that rarely, if ever, leads to conflict resolution and almost always leads to conflict escalation. Based on the bits and pieces of conversation that I overheard, I think the person on the other end of the phone call was making this mistake as well.

The symptoms of the mistake manifested as:

Justifying behaviors
Explaining why he was right
Showing the other person why he was wrong
Rehashing what had already happened
No focus on what to do the next time this situation occurred to make it turn out better

The root cause of the problem stems from focusing on the past rather than the future. I wrote about this challenge previously in my post about the 7 Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution.

If you want to guarantee conflict escalation, keep revisiting the past — past statements, past actions, past reasons, past thinking, etc.

Talking about the past is like throwing out an anchor. It stops forward progress and keeps the conversation stuck in problem discussion rather than problem solving.

Problem discussion becomes negative and accusatory, if it goes on too long.

Problem solving is about finding ways to set and meet mutual expectations and how to interact with and behave towards each other so that conflicts do not recur.

If you want to productively resolve conflicts, move quickly to a future focus. Only stay in the past long enough to understand how the miscommunication or misunderstanding happened, and then look for ways you can interact with the other person in the future to stop the problem from happening again.

0 Categories : Communication Skills, Resolving Conflict

Oct
5

Twenty-seven Years and Lots of Relationships

by Guy Harris

As I write this post, I am sitting in a hotel in the suburbs of Chicago getting ready for an afternoon session with a client I have known for several years.

I am also reflecting on the fact that today marks the twenty-seventh anniversary of my commissioning as an ensign in the United States Navy.

Many things have happened in that twenty-seven years. I…

Completed my service as a submarine officer.
Married my amazing wife.
Became the father of two fantastic daughters.
Worked in research, technical service, product development, and process development in both the plastics and coatings industries.
Launched a consulting, training, and coaching business.
Edited and contributed to several books.

Along the way, I have met and worked with some incredible people. More than my experiences, it is the people I have met that come to mind today as I reflect on the last twenty-seven years.

As a result of these relationships, I have the opportunity to do what I do today. For example…

I am in the Chicago area because of a relationship that began about seven or eight years ago when the contact I have with today’s client worked with a different company.
I co-authored a book (From Bud to Boss), co-created two workshops (Ultimate Communicator and Bud to Boss) that will be delivered across the country in more than fifty cities next year because I had a cup of coffee with my friend and colleague Kevin Eikenberry almost ten years ago.
I have enjoyed dinner aboard a yacht in Seattle harbor because of friendships I formed in the Navy.
I have traveled across North America, parts of Asia, and Western Europe because of personal and professional relationships that created business opportunities.

I could continue this list with other opportunities and experiences I have had over the last twenty-seven years because of people I have met and relationships I have developed over time. I won’t do that because the list is long, and I run the risk of leaving someone out in my rush to move to my next task.

As I reflect today, I see that technical competence has been a part of the opportunities I have had, and that relationships are the bigger part. It has usually been a relationship, not my skill, that got me “in the door” for an opportunity.

I also see that, in the rush of daily activities, it is easy to move quickly from task to task without investing the time to honor and acknowledge important relationships.

Today, I encourage you to remember the value of relationships in both your personal and professional lives, and to do something in the next 24 hours to honor and acknowledge at least one of those relationships.

0 Categories : Reflections

Jul
15

Applying the DISC Model: Breaking Through A Common Frustration

by Guy Harris

Today, I led a DISC communication skills workshop that ended with a role-play exercise to allow participants the opportunity to practice the skills we had been discussing.

For many of the people in the class, this was their first in-depth exposure to the DISC model and how to use it to more effectively communicate with others. The class was lively, engaged, and energetic with everyone in the room displaying a highly positive approach to learning. And, the role-play exercise brought to the surface a common frustration many people feel as they learn to apply the concepts I teach for becoming a better communicator.

As people attempted to “put on” the style of another person during the role-play, many of them felt awkward. Their role-play partners sensed this awkwardness. As a result, the participants attempts to connect with people with a different natural behavior style actually decreased the connection between them rather than increasing it.

They were frustrated. I was encouraged.

I was encouraged because they were making a genuine effort to connect with other people in a way that would make the recipient of the communication attempt feel most comfortable. Even though the results were not all that great initially, the effort to bridge the difference gap encouraged me.

They saw their efforts as failures. I saw their efforts as natural parts of the learning process.

A model for learning I often use speaks of learning happening in four stages:

Unconscious incompetence
The “I don’t know that I don’t know” stage.
Conscious incompetence
The “I realize that I don’t know something” stage.
Conscious competence
The “I understand how to do this, and I have to think about it to make it work” stage.
Unconscious competence
The “this has become natural to me and I don’t have to think about it any more” stage.

In attempting to apply the learning from the session, they were confronted with both the difficulty and awkwardness of learning to apply a new skill.

When I talked with them about the skills and they asked me questions, my answers seemed rather simple and effortless to them. For me, the answers were simple and effortless. In many situations, I have achieved (after much struggle and many failures) the unconscious competence level of learning for this material.

They are at the uncomfortable level of learning somewhere between conscious incompetence and conscious competence.

To break through this frustration, I encouraged them to keep at it even though the communication approach felt odd. I also encouraged them to seek feedback from other people about how their communication efforts were progressing. For example, I told people with Dominant traits to seek feedback from people with Supportive traits and vice-versa.

If you want to master using the DISC model to become a better communicator, I encourage you to do the same thing. Keep practicing and getting feedback on your efforts. You will eventually break through the awkwardness of trying to put on another person’s communication style to the comfort of authentically communicating by understanding their communication style.

0 Categories : Communication Skills, DISC Model

Jun
17

The Secret to Mastery is in the Transitions

by Guy Harris

I’m sitting in an airline lounge at LAX, and I’m reflecting a bit on my week as I wait to board a red-eye flight back to Indianapolis.

I just finished co-facilitating a single day training session with my friend and colleague Kevin Eikenberry that was part of a longer four-day training program. As we spoke with the participants, we heard about some of the other skills they were learning, and we encouraged them to look for ways to integrate what we were teaching with content from other parts of the program.

We suggested that they study the overlaps and connections between the topics so that they could develop the ability to easily move between different situations and work with different people effectively

As I reflect on this experience and think about getting back home to practice my guitar, I see a direct correlation between my guitar practice and the development of mastery as a leader and communicator:

The secret to mastery is in the transitions.

As I said when I wrote about the difference between doing and mastering, much of the work to become really good at something comes after you learn the initial concepts.

On the guitar, I now know how to make my left hand do the finger positions to do a number of chords, and I can play them acceptably. Sometimes I can move smoothly from one finger position to another. Other times I struggle. Guitar master’s know how to transition smoothly from one finger position to another so that the sound is smooth and melodic.

A similar thing is true for skillful leaders and communicators.

Different situations call for different behaviors. Communicating the same message to different people might mean using different approaches.

Masterful leaders and communicators know how to read the situations and people around them and how to smoothly move between different leadership approaches and communication styles or modes.

Photo by Rebecca L. Daily.

0 Categories : Communication Skills, Leadership Skills, Resolving Conflict

Mar
21

Using the DISC Model: Focus on Needs More than Behaviors

by Guy Harris

The DISC Model of Human Behavior is, as the name implies, about behavior. And, to apply it well, I suggest looking beyond behavior to the needs behind the behavior to really use it to connect and communicate with other people more effectively.

To illustrate the point, consider the refrigerator shown above. While this one has no food in it, I imagine you can think of a time when you opened a refrigerator door to check the contents. I also imagine that many of the times when you have stood with the door open were times when you were hungry and looking for food.

Looking in the refrigerator (the behavior) was the expression of an unmet need (you were hungry).

And, if you found an empty refrigerator enough times, you just might decide to escalate your behavior by leaving your house to get food.

People tend to behave in ways that get their needs met. When their needs are unmet, they will continue escalating their behaviors in an increasingly intense effort to meet their needs.

Food is a physical need, and we will act to get food when we do not have it. Likewise, we all have certain emotional/psychological needs, and we also act to get them met.

The DISC model is one tool that you can use to get an estimate of another person’s emotional/psychological needs so that you can take positive, intentional actions that increase your ability to effectively connect and communicate with him or her.

I only plan to hit some high spots with this post, and I certainly do not want to present this brief article as a comprehensive guide. There are many other factors to consider when it comes to understanding other people’s needs. And, the DISC model is still a good tool you can use to make an educated guess.

With that caveat said, here are some general needs you can consider as you work to understand yourself and others:

Outgoing, task-oriented, Dominant individuals often need:
choices, challenges, and control.
Outgoing, people-oriented, Inspiring individuals often need:
recognition, approval, and admiration.
Reserved, people-oriented, Supportive individuals often need:
appreciation, security, and assurance.
Reserved, task-oriented, Cautious individuals often need:
quality answers, value and excellence.

When you work to understand these needs and to see other people’s behaviors through the filter of their needs rather than your own, you can make the adjustments to your communication style that allows you to meet — or at least not challenge — another person’s needs so that you can create an environment for mutual gain.

Photo by RowdyKittens.