Intentions – A Poem That Came to Me While Cleaning

I don’t know why this came to mind, but it did. I was helping my wife clean our living room, and I was, as I often am, thinking about what I could write here. I was not thinking about my wife, my kids, or my professional colleagues. I was just thinking. (Remember, I am a recovering engineer. I am almost always “thinking.”) I started thinking about how we often misinterpret other people’s meaning, and this little rhyme popped (almost) fully formed into my mind. So, I share... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Techniques: Question Your Assumptions

As I read about, study, and work to apply effective conflict resolution techniques, I see one common and overwhelming problem develop in workplaces, families, and social organizations. I see the same problem develop just about everywhere I see people interact. What is this huge problem? People make assumptions about other people’s intentions. Sadly, they often make wrong assumptions about the other person’s intentions. This behavior is so common and so prevalent, I have written about... [Read more]

The 7 Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution

As I watch and participate in conflict conversations and conflict resolution efforts, I notice patterns of behavior that consistently produce bad results. In a recent conversation with one of my coaching clients, we started to discuss these patterns of behavior. We jokingly began to call them “The 7 Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution.” The conversation stimulated my thinking about what NOT to do in conflict resolution. Sometimes, knowing what NOT to do can be as helpful as knowing what... [Read more]

Why Your Natural Response to Conflict is Probably Wrong & What You Can Do About It

As I mentioned in my post about why conflicts escalate, bad things can happen when we perceive other people’s words or actions to be a threat to us in some way. As a result of this perception of threat, we often get angry. Then, we behave in ways that they perceive as a threat, and the conflict escalation cycle begins. Our natural responses to conflict often begin with this perception of threat. This perception triggers our “fight-or-flight” response, and our adrenal glands kick... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Insights: Why Conflicts Escalate

On two recent occasions, I have been involved in interactions that started with a minor miscommunication and quickly elevated to full-blown conflict. In both situations, the other person and I pretty quickly recognized what was happening, and we managed to get our communications back under control. These situations caused me to reflect on what happens in conflict: How it gets started, How it escalates, and What you can do to de-escalate it. I was also wondering if these situations happen in... [Read more]