“It’s cold in here” and Other Fighting Words

This post continues the thought I introduced in my last post – stating opinions as facts. I have noticed that people often state their ideas in a factual way when they are actually only opinions or perceptions. Here are some examples of perceptions stated as facts: “It’s cold (or hot) in here.” “The iPod (or some other brand) is the best mp3 player on the market.” “Ford (Chevy,Honda, etc) is the best car maker.” “Avatar (The Hurt Locker, The... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Mistakes: Stating Opinions As Facts

I must confess, this is a bit of a pet-peeve of mine. I am okay with people having an opinion. I am okay with people whose opinion differs from mine. I just get a little frustrated when they state and defend their opinion as if it were a fact. I can accept it is a fact that they have an opinion. I just struggle with accepting their opinion as a fact when all they have to support it is their assertion that it is true. As I said in Why You Shouldn’t Take Conflict Resolution Advice From Politicians,... [Read more]

Why The Health Care Reform Debate Makes Me Sick

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post titled Why You Shouldn’t Take Conflict Resolution Lessons From Politicians. In that post, I listed a number of things common to the political process that are terrible examples of how to behave when you are really trying to solve a problem or resolve a conflict. As I look at the health care reform debate, I see a number of these behaviors in the way the discussion(s) is (are) proceeding. And, frankly, it makes me sick. I am not a doctor, pharmacist, attorney,... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Lessons From A Lifeguard: A Drowning Man Doesn’t Care About You

Communication, conflict resolution, leadership, and parenting can, at times, resemble working as a lifeguard. In all of these situations, you can, like a lifeguard, be in the position of a person approaching someone else when they are under distress because their needs are not being met. Picture a drowning man. He is flailing in the water. He is grasping at everything and everyone within reach. He has little or no visible concern for others. He may, at other times, be a kind, loving, considerate... [Read more]

Why You Shouldn’t Take Conflict Resolution Lessons From Politicians

As I watch the political process, I wonder if very many politicians really understand how to build consensus and to reach joint decisions that protect the interests (as much as possible) of everyone involved. I see leaders from all sides of the political process investing great energy in staking out positions and then defending those positions. I don’t honestly know what goes on behind closed doors. I can only comment on the results I see and what they say in public. I don’t really want... [Read more]

Snow Drifts, Driving Lessons, and Conflict Resolution

Last week, we got a snow fall that closed school for a day. During the day, road crews cleared the roads. Even though we live in a pretty rural area, most of the roads were safely passable by the afternoon. As is often the case here in central Indiana, the temperature stayed below freezing for several days and the winds blew pretty steadily. For those of you that don’t live in snow country, this means that many roads, especially the back roads, began to get drifts in spots. As I took my daughter... [Read more]

Why I Don’t Want to Be a Tolerant Person

Last week, I attended Shadow Day at my daughter’s school. On Shadow Day, parents attend classes with their children. As I sat in her American Literature class listening to a discussion of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic The Scarlet Letter, her teacher questioned the virtue of tolerance. In his brief comment on the topic, he referenced a talk he once heard by Elie Wiesel. Elie Wiesel survived the concentration camps and Jewish persecution of World War II. On the day that my daughter’s... [Read more]

Road Rage, Interpretations, and Workplace Conflict

As I returned home from taking my daughter to school last Friday, a gentleman in a van pulled out in front of me and forced me slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him. When we passed each other, he looked at me sheepishly and waved. Clearly, he did not see my car. I’m guessing that he did not intend to create a heart stress moment for me. It just happened. He’s human. After I waved to him to let him know that I undestood, I thought of the times I have seen other people react totally differently.... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Tips: Task Oriented People with People Oriented Individuals

I often use the DISC Model of Human Behavior as a tool in my training sessions. One of the key ideas to draw from the model is that about 35% of people are more task oriented and about 65% of people are more people oriented. Task oriented people tend to focus on the task at hand even in the presence of other people. They often view everything as a task. Sometimes, they even view relationships as a task or a project. People oriented individuals tend to focus on relationships and people ahead of... [Read more]