Today, I led a DISC communication skills workshop that ended with a role-play exercise to allow participants the opportunity to practice the skills we had been discussing.

For many of the people in the class, this was their first in-depth exposure to the DISC model and how to use it to more effectively communicate with others. The class was lively, engaged, and energetic with everyone in the room displaying a highly positive approach to learning. And, the role-play exercise brought to the surface a common frustration many people feel as they learn to apply the concepts I teach for becoming a better communicator.

As people attempted to “put on” the style of another person during the role-play, many of them felt awkward. Their role-play partners sensed this awkwardness. As a result, the participants attempts to connect with people with a different natural behavior style actually decreased the connection between them rather than increasing it.

They were frustrated. I was encouraged.

I was encouraged because they were making a genuine effort to connect with other people in a way that would make the recipient of the communication attempt feel most comfortable. Even though the results were not all that great initially, the effort to bridge the difference gap encouraged me.

They saw their efforts as failures. I saw their efforts as natural parts of the learning process.

A model for learning I often use speaks of learning happening in four stages:

1. Unconscious incompetence
   The “I don’t know that I don’t know” stage.
2. Conscious incompetence
   The “I realize that I don’t know something” stage.
3. Conscious competence
   The “I understand how to do this, and I have to think about it to make it work” stage.
4. Unconscious competence
   The “this has become natural to me and I don’t have to think about it any more” stage.

In attempting to apply the learning from the session, they were confronted with both the difficulty and awkwardness of learning to apply a new skill.

When I talked with them about the skills and they asked me questions, my answers seemed rather simple and effortless to them. For me, the answers were simple and effortless. In many situations, I have achieved (after much struggle and many failures) the unconscious competence level of learning for this material.

They are at the uncomfortable level of learning somewhere between conscious incompetence and conscious competence.

To break through this frustration, I encouraged them to keep at it even though the communication approach felt odd. I also encouraged them to seek feedback from other people about how their communication efforts were progressing. For example, I told people with Dominant traits to seek feedback from people with Supportive traits and vice-versa.

If you want to master using the DISC model to become a better communicator, I encourage you to do the same thing. Keep practicing and getting feedback on your efforts. You will eventually break through the awkwardness of trying to put on another person’s communication style to the comfort of authentically communicating by understanding their communication style.

In previous posts, I have written about a model for understanding what motivates behavior and three clues you can use to find what motivates another person.

Today, I’ll share some quick insights about what motivates people based on their DISC behavioral style.

A person who has outgoing and task-oriented (Dominant) traits is often motivated by:

• Solving problems
• Conquering challenging situations
• Getting results

And they will often prefer to work at a fast pace with a focus on quick results and direct action.

A person who has outgoing and people-oriented (Inspiring) traits is often motivated by:

• The opportunity to interact with others
• Public recognition
• Varied activities

And they will often prefer to work at a fast pace with a focus on doing things in a fun way that does not require high attention to detail.

A person who has reserved and people-oriented (Supp0rtive) traits is often motivated by:

• Teamwork
• The opportunity to help others
• Feeling appreciated for their contribution

And they will often prefer to work at a steady pace with a focus on doing the work process in a way that minimizes risk and strengthens relationships.

A person who has reserved and task-oriented (Cautious) traits is often motivated by:

• Structuring or organizing things
• Researching or searching for information
• Finding the “right” solution for a problem

And they will often prefer to work alone with a focus on details and proper structure.

As you work to apply this information in your personal and professional life, remember that people have varying degrees of all of these traits in their behavioral style blends and that you are likely to observe at least two of the four styles to a significant degree in most people.

The information in this post is only intended to give you a basic framework for understanding what might motivate another person. It is not intended as a complete and exhaustive description of how the DISC model might reveal motivational patterns and preferences.

Many leaders struggle with finding ways to motivate people to higher level performance.

I have already written that you cannot motivate another person. So, let’s set aside the idea that the leader provides the motivation and move on to the idea that a leader can learn to identify the things that do motivate the people on his or her team.

In previous posts, I wrote about Three Clues You Can Use to Find What Motivates Another Person and A Simple Model for Understanding What Drives Behavior. In this post, I’m offering a thought to expand the idea that you can look at a person’s hobbies and interests to find clues about what motivates him and then apply that insight as you assign and delegate tasks.

Current motivation research, like the research Daniel Pink shares in Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, indicates that excessive reliance on extrinsic motivators — rewards, praise and prizes — can eventually have a negative impact on overall motivation.

A quick look at the model I shared previously could lead to the conclusion that the consequences referenced in that model refer only to externally applied rewards, prizes, bonuses, recognition, etc.

A deeper look reveals that a consequence is anything a person experiences as a result of her behavior. So, the emotions and personal satisfaction that people experience from their behaviors can be consequences that drive behavior. These emotions fall into the category of intrinsic rather than extrinsic motivators, and it is these emotions that people’s hobbies often reveal.

For example, I like woodworking, writing, building websites, working on my house, landscaping, and cooking. These activities show that part of what motivates me is analyzing and solving problems. When I do things that give me that opportunity, the work itself becomes a motivator because it gives me the emotional satisfaction of analyzing and solving a problem.

These hobbies also reveal that I tend to like working alone. I can (and do) call on customers and socialize with people. However, these activities are work to me.

My hobbies are play to me.

Work tires and play energizes.

A wise leader hoping to “motivate” me to higher performance would, as much as possible within the confines of the business need, give me assignments that maximized my ability to analyze and solve problems.

As you look for what motivates your team members, remember to look at their hobbies and interests for clues you can use to work with them in a way that taps their intrinsic motivation as much as possible.

Side note – Parents can use this idea with their children as well. What activities energize your kids and which ones drain them?

I use the DISC model because:

• It is simple enough that…
  • I can work with someone for only a few minutes and help them gain perspective they have never seen before.
  • I can use it to help me when I am tired, stressed or angry.
  • I don’t need assessment results to understand another person.
• It is descriptive enough that…
  • It helps me to see others more objectively and less subjectively.
  • It leads me towards understanding and away from judgment.
• It is accurate enough that…
  • I can get a good guess about what someone wants from me when we communicate.
  • I can quickly understand another person’s perspective.
• It is flexible enough that…
  • I can use it “on the fly” in real-life situations.
  • I can see the blends, subtleties and variations in other people’s perspectives without trying to force them neatly into a single box or label them.

Is the model perfect? No.

Does the model explain every nuance of human behavior? No.

Are there better clinical or analytical models? Yes.

Despite these limitations, for real-world, working-with-people-in-the-moment situations, it is the best tool for me.

These are the reasons that I use the DISC model.

You can use the DISC model to have some fun with other people by watching them stress out when you consciously communicate with them in a way that is different from their preferred style. It’s fun and easy to do.

Here are some tips to help you make this happen.

When you are communicating with…

…an outgoing, task-oriented, Dominant style person:

• Speak slowly
• Tell really long-stories
• Give them lots of details they didn’t ask for
• Avoid anything that even remotely resembles a decision or results-focused action.

…an outgoing, people-oriented, Inspiring style person:

• Speak in a monotone, boring tone
• Never smile, laugh, or indicate that you enjoy the conversation
• Focus on data and details
• Tell no stories and share no emotions

…a reserved, people-oriented, Supportive style person:

• Speak quickly and loudly
• Stand face-to-face and move your hands wildly while you speak
• Push for quick results rather than listen to their concerns
• Ignore how people feel about a situation

…a reserved, task-oriented, Cautious style person:

• Tell stories with lots of emotional appeal
• Try to get them to be “excited”
• Attempt to persuade them before you have answered all of their questions
• Focus on emotions over facts

The next time you want to frustrate another person, just remember these tips and consciously apply them to create an uncomfortable environment that encourages them to avoid you and disconnect from the conversation.

(This post is totally tongue-in-cheek. Hopefully, you see that I advocate doing exactly the opposite of what I have written here.)

… And What You Can Do About It

Have you ever told yourself that you wouldn’t do something? Maybe you said you wouldn’t eat too much at a party. Maybe you told yourself that you wouldn’t speak too soon at a meeting. Or maybe you just told yourself that you wouldn’t break the speed limit on the way home from work.

Whatever it was, you told yourself that you wouldn’t do something that you either normally do, wanted to do, or habitually do, and you eventually “gave-in” to the temptation.

Well, there’s a good reason for this behavior, and Dan Heath gives more details about it in this article over at Fast Company. I suggest that you check out the article for more details. For now, here’s the short version: self-control eventually runs out. In other words, you can only resist so long before you “run out” of self-control.

Your limit might be different from mine, and we all have a limit.

So, what does this observation have to do with this blog?

Since one of the recurring themes here is “get over yourself,” the concept of depleting self-control is vitally important to understand.

Whether you are trying to change your behavior, your team member’s behavior, or your child’s behavior, remember that everyone has a self-control limit, and when you exceed the limit you invite failure.

You invite failure to comply with rules, failure to cooperate, and failure to do things in new and different ways.

This is an observable and repeatable psychological phenomenon. Like so many of the things I write and speak on, I don’t suggest hiding behind the behavior. Rather, I suggest understanding the behavior and then making plans that recognized the reality of life instead of wishing that things were different.

So, what do we do with this observation?

Here are three suggestions to get you started with applying  this principle in your efforts to change your behaviors or to influence another person’s behaviors:

1. Get away from tempting situations as quickly as possible.
   Since we know that self-control will eventually run out, if at all possible, remove the temptation to do things the old way or to partake in some forbidden behavior.
2. Give people (or yourself) a break.
   If you ask someone to change their behavior in a particular situation, make some time for them to get away from it for awhile so that they can replenish their “supply” of self-control.
3. Make big changes in small steps.
   Smaller steps do many things to make change easier to accept. One benefit of smaller steps is the reduction of effort required to remember the new way of doing things. If the effort to remember the new way is small, the time to “self-control” exhaustion is longer. This longer temptation resistance time increases the odds that the new way of doing things becomes easy to remember before our self control runs out.

Photo by NomadicLass.

When you find yourself communicating with a person who is reserved and task-oriented (primary Cautious behavioral style), remember these key communication tips:

• Slow down — they usually want you to give them time to process what you’re saying before they respond.
• Use data and third-party information to support your position — they want to know that you have done your homework.
• Talk about thoughts more than feelings — while they are not totally unemotional, they are more likely to be persuaded by thoughts than by feelings.
• Listen thoroughly to their concerns and objections — they want you to take the time to understand all of the thoughts and concerns they have so that they can be sure you have completely and accurately thought through your position.
• Give good, logic and data-based reasons for your thoughts and requests — more than any of the other behavioral styles, people with strong Cautious traits want to know “why” you want to do something before they will take action on it.

Remember these suggestions the next time you interact with people who are slower-paced and task-oriented, and you will improve the odds that they listen to, understand, and take action on your message.

Check this post, for more insights on how to guess at a person’s DISC style.

Guy Answers the Question: Can I Have One
Style at Work & Another Style at Home?

One question that frequently comes up in my discussions of the DISC Model of Human Behavior is:

Can I have one DISC style at work and another DISC style at home?

- or-

I feel like I am one way at home and another way at work. Is that possible and is it normal?

The simple answer to the question is: “Yes. Differences between your home behaviors and workplace behaviors are not only possible, they are highly probable.”

The longer answer is a bit more involved, but not terribly complex.

When I hear this question or some variation of it, at least two things immediately come to my mind:

• Different environments call for different behaviors. So, you tend to adjust your behaviors to your environment.
• Let’s not confuse how we “behave” with who we “are.”

I’ll take these two thoughts one at a time.

First, let’s recall that very few people exhibit only one DISC style because most of us actually exhibit a blend of the four DISC styles in our everyday behaviors. Since we generally use at least two of the four DISC behavior styles, we can usually “shift” or “float” between our two (or three) primary styles depending on the situation.

Since the workplace environment is often quite different from our home environment (and we usually have different roles in the two environments), we adjust our behaviors to what is appropriate for both the environment and our role in it.

This is completely normal (and probably a good thing!).

The second point is, in some respects, even more important. Our behaviors are our behaviors. They are not who we “are” they are what we “do.”

Our thoughts and emotions reflect who we “are.”

In a full DISC profile assessment, you receive two different DISC behavioral style graphs. One reflects your basic or “natural” DISC style – who you “are.”  The other reflects your environmental or “adapted” DISC style – what you “do.”

These two graphs are often similarly shaped. Sometimes they are not. Regardless, they represent two different aspects of your behavioral style. What is happening in your head and emotions and what is showing up in your behavior. While your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are generally connected, they are not necessarily exactly the same (at least as far as other people can see).

For example, have you ever meant to say or do one thing and then said or done something totally different? I have. This doesn’t happen frequently. It does happen.

In the interest of brevity, I won’t go into all of the details of the distinction between who we “are” and what we “do” in this post. Maybe I’ll dig into that topic some other day. For now, I’ll leave it at this: it is normal, expected, and highly likely that you will exhibit different behaviors in different environments.

This difference does not necessarily imply that you become a different person in those environments. More likely, it’s just a reflection of what you need to do to succeed in the different environments.

Guy Answers the Question:
Could I Have More Than One DISC Style?

One of the frequent questions that comes up in my training classes on the DISC model of human behavior is:

Can more than one DISC behavior style fit a person? or

Could I have more than one DISC behavior style?

In a word, the answer is: yes. In fact, emphatically yes!

The four quadrants of the DISC model do not define four neat and tidy “categories” of people. The four quadrants represent typical or general behaviors of people who share certain perspectives. Each quadrant does not, in and of itself, represent a “type” of person.

We Want to Understand, Not Stereotype or Label

The four DISC types simply provide an objective and descriptive way of looking at, understanding, and communicating about different behavior, communication, and leadership styles so that we can better understand ourselves and others.

Think Blends, Not Boxes

Only a small minority of people (about 5%) would agree that only one of the four DISC descriptors totally describes their viewpoint or perspective. Even this group of people will have some of the other traits. They just don’t have them to a strong degree.

As a general rule, most people have more of some of the D, I, S, or C traits and less of the others. When a trait is strong in a person, we call the trait a “high” trait for that person. This is simply a shorthand nomenclature for discussion purposes, not a label we can use to box people in to a neatly defined behavior pattern.

About 80% of people will have two traits that are “high” traits and two traits that are “low” traits. About 15% of people will have three traits that are “high” traits with the remaining trait being “low”. While DISC profile assessments will not produce a profile with four “high” traits (it’s not mathematically possible within the parameters of the assessment), it is possible to have roughly equal proportions of all four traits in what is known as a “level style blend.”

This blending of traits creates profile results that have 41 basic types. When you consider all of the various ranges of intensities of traits within the 41 basic types, you can get 19,680 basic style descriptors starting from the four original quadrants.

So, can you have more than one DISC type? Absolutely you can, and you probably do.

This post first appeared as an article in a newsletter I used to publish. I included it here to make it easier for people to find and as a reference source for other posts on this blog.

It’s not true in every organization, but it is true in many. Managers (leaders) often don’t understand their employees. They don’t know how to motivate, inspire, and correct people effectively. As I work with my clients, I hear the same questions repeatedly: “How do I get my employees to …

• Quit complaining?”
• Do more than the bare minimum?”
• Contribute in meetings?”
• Show up on time?” etc.

I also hear all kinds of answers for each situation. Some proposals are good, and some are not. The good suggestions show an understanding of human nature and an effort to apply behavioral principles. The bad ones usually feel good to the manager, but they violate some basic principle of human relations and interaction.

Human behavior is a complex subject. However, events that appear to be random, isolated behaviors actually fit into predictable patterns for most people. If you understand the patterns, you will know what to do in most situations. I’ve developed the Five Be’s of Motivation to reduce some of these patterns to five easy to remember and apply principles.

So, let’s get started…

1. Be Positive

People pretty much do things for one of two reasons: to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure. As a leader, you constantly work between these two options. If you use negatives – like verbal reprimands, threats, or other punishments – to drive behavior, people will do just enough to avoid the pain. You will condemn yourself to bare minimum effort from your employees. If you focus on rewarding good behaviors, you improve the odds that you will get cooperation and extra, discretionary effort rather than conflict, complaints and bare minimum performance.

Noticing unacceptable behaviors and stopping them with punishment is easy. It takes effort to recognize good behaviors and praise them. You need to do both; but the more you recognize the good, the less likely you are to see the bad.

2. Be Specific

Make sure you speak only about specific behaviors. Whether you administer discipline or offer praise, the more specific you make your words the better.

Emotional involvement (anger) from a negative situation often makes specificity a bigger challenge during discipline. For example, an employees consistently challenges you in meetings. Many leaders get angry with the situation and tell the employee to “stop being rude and inconsiderate.” Unfortunately, “rude” and “inconsiderate” are interpretations rather than behaviors. A better statement would be, “I don’t appreciate it when you interrupt and challenge me. I see those behaviors as rude and inconsiderate. I won’t do it to you, and I don’t expect you to do it to me.” (I suggest you do this in private.) Depending on the situation, you might take further disciplinary action based on company history and workplace rules. Whether you take further action or not, focus on specific behaviors and not your interpretation of the intent or motive behind the behaviors.

Here are some examples:

• Rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, arrogant, obnoxious, flighty, unfocused, smart aleck, and pushy are interpretations.
• Interrupting, rolling eyes, speaking loudly (or softly), shrugging shoulders, looking away, walking away, and tone of voice are specific behaviors.

3. Be Certain

People generally act based on what they expect to happen to them in the future. Whether it’s avoiding pain or pursuing pleasure, it’s still about expectations for the future. Your employees need to know — without a doubt — what to expect from you based on their actions.

Make sure that everyone clearly understands the rules of conduct in your workplace. Ideally, you will write down anything that is mission critical to your operation. I don’t suggest that you make your employee handbook look like the Code of Federal Regulations, but you should have a few well-written and clearly defined behavioral expectations for your business. People need to know the rules. They need to know what to expect when they follow the rules – and when they don’t.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency works in close partnership with Certainty. It is Certainty’s twin in the daily struggle to create a high-performing, results-oriented team. If you don’t consistently apply your workplace rules, your employees will never develop a sense of certainty.

Consistency applies to both positive and negative behaviors. If you say that you will reward certain behaviors, then always reward them. If you say that certain behaviors are unacceptable, always act to stop them.

5. Be Immediate

Act now. When your employees do something worthy of praise — do it now. When they need correction — do it now. Delayed consequences have very little impact on behavior.

I’ll illustrate the point with my behavior.

I like cheesecake. Eating cheesecake offers me both immediate and future consequences. The future consequence is negative – I could develop a weight or blood pressure problem. The immediate consequence is positive — it tastes good and gives me pleasure. When I have the opportunity to get cheesecake, I find it difficult to resist even though I understand the negative consequences. Why? The immediate, certain positive tends to overshadow the future, possible negative.

Acting immediately has an added benefit when the behavior is inappropriate. If the behavior continues without correction, you are likely to get angrier every time you see it. As you get angrier, you will probably have more difficulty keeping your response proportional to the behavior. Act now and you will be better able to maintain self-control.