Intentions – A Poem That Came to Me While Cleaning

I don’t know why this came to mind, but it did. I was helping my wife clean our living room, and I was, as I often am, thinking about what I could write here. I was not thinking about my wife, my kids, or my professional colleagues. I was just thinking. (Remember, I am a recovering engineer. I am almost always “thinking.”) I started thinking about how we often misinterpret other people’s meaning, and this little rhyme popped (almost) fully formed into my mind. So, I share... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Techniques: Question Your Assumptions

As I read about, study, and work to apply effective conflict resolution techniques, I see one common and overwhelming problem develop in workplaces, families, and social organizations. I see the same problem develop just about everywhere I see people interact. What is this huge problem? People make assumptions about other people’s intentions. Sadly, they often make wrong assumptions about the other person’s intentions. This behavior is so common and so prevalent, I have written about... [Read more]

DISC FAQ’s: Can I Change My Personality Style On Purpose?

Guy Answers the Question: Can I Change My Personality Style on Purpose? People often tell me that they believe that they have changed their personality style, and then they ask me if I think this is possible. My general answer is this: It might be possible. I don’t think it is probable. In short, I don’t think that your core, inner, basic personality style changes unless you experience some type of major psychological or brain trauma. I do think that you can learn to behave differently... [Read more]

DISC Model FAQ’s: Is Changing Your Behavior Phoney?

Guy Answers the Question:Is Changing Your Behavior Phoney? As I teach, train, and coach using the DISC model, people hear me say that I encourage them to change their behaviors to fit the situation and to better connect with other people. Sometimes, people ask me if consciously changing behavior is phoney or fake. This concern raises another common question about the DISC model, and how I recommend people use it to connect and communicate more effectively. In answering this question, I often refer... [Read more]

Effective Communication Skills: Use And More than But

This is a simple, straightforward communication technique that you can use immediately to improve your ability to connect and communicate with others: Use “and” more than “but”. Imagine that you and I are in a conversation and that you have just shared your opinion with me. Compare these two responses that I might make: “You know, that’s a good point, but …” “You know, that’s a good point, and …” With the first reply, it... [Read more]

Just Be Nice

This week, I traveled to Boston to lead a Bud To Boss Workshop for first time supervisors. On my return trip, I connected with a flight in Chicago. I ran between gates to catch the flight to Indianapolis only to wait at the gate because this flight — like the one I had just taken from Boston to Chicago — was delayed. Upon boarding the plane, I settled into my seat beside a nice young woman who was also connecting on this flight, and I made a comment about the commuter jet we were on not being... [Read more]

Why Your Natural Response to Conflict is Probably Wrong & What You Can Do About It

As I mentioned in my post about why conflicts escalate, bad things can happen when we perceive other people’s words or actions to be a threat to us in some way. As a result of this perception of threat, we often get angry. Then, we behave in ways that they perceive as a threat, and the conflict escalation cycle begins. Our natural responses to conflict often begin with this perception of threat. This perception triggers our “fight-or-flight” response, and our adrenal glands kick... [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Insights: Why Conflicts Escalate

On two recent occasions, I have been involved in interactions that started with a minor miscommunication and quickly elevated to full-blown conflict. In both situations, the other person and I pretty quickly recognized what was happening, and we managed to get our communications back under control. These situations caused me to reflect on what happens in conflict: How it gets started, How it escalates, and What you can do to de-escalate it. I was also wondering if these situations happen in... [Read more]

DISC Model FAQ’s: Could I Have More Than One DISC Behavior Style?

Guy Answers the Question:Could I Have More Than One DISC Style? One of the frequent questions that comes up in my training classes on the DISC model of human behavior is: Can more than one DISC behavior style fit a person? or Could I have more than one DISC behavior style? In a word, the answer is: yes. In fact, emphatically yes! The four quadrants of the DISC model do not define four neat and tidy “categories” of people. The four quadrants represent typical or general behaviors of... [Read more]

Resolving Conflict Lesson: Watch Your Step

When it comes to conflict, none of us is immune to our emotional triggers. Just yesterday, I had an interchange with someone close to me (not in my family, but still close) that didn’t go very well. This person asked me a question that I perceived negatively, and I got angry. His wording was a little off, and he got mildly put-off with me as well. However, he didn’t mean to irritate me. He had no intention of asking the question that got me going in a way that I would perceive as an... [Read more]

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