Persuasion | Guy Harris: The Recovering Engineer

Archive for persuasion

May
6

Change Management Lessons: Surprise Breeds Inaction

by Guy Harris

Life lessons sometimes hit me in a delayed fashion. Reflecting on two experiences in my life – separated by about two years – reminded me of a valuable lesson for leaders of organizations facing change.

Situation Number One:

About two years ago, I was walking through a convention center with my friend, colleague, and co-author, Kevin Eikenberry, and we came upon two people standing at the top of an unmoving escalator. As we approached, we expected them to start walking down it. They didn’t. They just stood there and stared at the unmoving steps.

They didn’t move, and we couldn’t pass them.

As I stood behind them, I grew frustrated with their inaction.

After 10 or 15 seconds that felt like 10 or 15 minutes to me, they looked at each other, shrugged, and began to walk down the “stairs.”

Situation Number Two:

Driving my car into the neighborhood where Kevin lives, I came upon road construction vehicles that slowed me down and partially blocked my view of the frontage property. Pulling to the left side of the road and slowly passing the paving equipment parked on the right, I had a fleeting thought that I had entered the wrong neighborhood. Despite having entered this neighborhood many times over the last few years, it suddenly looked wrong, and I briefly questioned whether I was in the right place or not. In that moment, I quickly considered turning around at the first opportunity.

Both situations reveal a common problem leaders face in times of change. When confronted with uncertainty or unfamiliarity – when a situation or surrounding looks different from what they expect to see – people freeze. They lock-up, stop moving, and impede progress.

Many leaders see this initial response, and grow frustrated with their team like I grew frustrated by the initially unmoving people at the top of the escalator.

The key point, though, is that the people in the escalator example eventually moved without prodding or prompting from me. Once they evaluated and understood the situation, they moved.

Wise leaders recognize, understand, and anticipate this response. Rather than push changes quickly and get angry with people, they make allowances for this normal human reaction. They do everything in their power to reduce uncertainty by communicating more often, more thoroughly, and more personally. They also give people as much time as possible to understand the change before resorting to “do it or else” strategies.

0 Categories : Decision Making, Leadership Skills, Personal Change, Reflections

Mar
31

Using the DISC Model: Four Steps to Success with Others

by Guy Harris

The video pretty much says it all for this post. It quickly gives you four steps for applying the DISC model for success with others.

In a nutshell, the four steps are…

Understand the DISC model
Understand your style (where you fit in the model).
Understand the other person’s style (where they fit in the model).
Adjust your words, behaviors, and tone to best fit how they receive information.

The video is about 7 minutes long.

If you would like insights for how to apply these four steps better, you can check out my Connecting With People and DISC Model FAQ’s post series. For even deeper insights, check out my products. If you really want to master these four steps, take a look at The Ultimate Communicator Workshop.

2 Categories : Communication Skills, DISC Model, Video

Feb
2

Four Ways to Improve Your Communication

by Guy Harris

If you want to become more effective as a leader, more successful in meetings, or more confident while resolving conflicts, become a better communicator.

On the high end of the communication skill spectrum, you find that great leaders — like Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King, Jr — are often great communicators. On the low-end, research indicates that poor communication skills can contribute to family disputes escalating to domestic violence. (Check the discussion section of this article.)

Evidence from research, experience, and anecdotal observation points to higher levels of success and satisfaction and lower levels of stress and frustration as your communication skills improve.

With that backdrop, here are four ways you can improve almost all of your communications (presented roughly in the order I suggest you follow):

1. Learn how other people might hear, see, or interpret your messages

One concept that often surfaces in my communication workshops, is that communication comes from the Latin word that also gives us the English word common. This observation implies that communication makes ideas, thoughts, and concepts commonly understood — even if not agreed upon — between two or more people.

In order to make ideas common, it becomes important to understand both sides of the communication. You need to understand both how your idea sounds to the other person and what the other person means with the words they use. What you say might mean something other than what you intend to the other person. What the other person says might mean, to them, something other than what you hear.

Long-time readers of my blog know that I use and recommend the DISC model as one tool for accomplishing this step. There are factors to consider other than communication style (e.g. – culture, gender, age, etc.). Still, it’s a great place to start.

The goal of this “step” is to get a clear picture of how the differences between you and the other person might affect your communication efforts.

2. ”Observe” your perspective

In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that I have not yet mastered this concept. It’s really hard to do, and I’m not sure that any of us will ever truly perfect it. It’s a good goal nonetheless.

Here’s the idea, learn to step back from your first interpretation of a statement or behavior and look for how your perspective, or filter, might be affecting your response. There’s more to this one step than I can effectively cover in this post, but David Rock shares exercises you can do to build your skill in this area in Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long.

As you develop this skill, the next two steps become easier to do.

3. Listen actively

If the goal is to make an idea common, you must work to understand the other person’s thinking before you can truly communicate. Active listening involves much more than just hearing the words. It involves total focus on what the other person is attempting to communicate. For more thoughts, you can check this post on listening skills.

4. Get and give feedback during the communication process

It’s easy to say something and assume that the other person heard what you meant. It’s also easy to hear something and to assume that you understood what the other person meant. Until you confirm mutual understanding, you will be operating on assumptions and interpretations rather than on facts.

Well phrased questions (combined with some active listening) form the basis for effective feedback, and a mis-communication could happen in either direction. A few weeks ago, I wrote a post with some ideas for confirming that the other person understands your words the way you intended them. To confirm that you understood the other person they way that they want to be understood, you can use the questions listed here.

Frankly, communication can be difficult. We do it virtually every day, and we often do not communicate as clearly as we think or intend. One of my favorite quotes on communication (I think I have quoted it before on this blog) is by George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

I find that I have to frequently remind myself of key communication concepts in order to apply them with any consistency. For the next week, I encourage you to consciously focus on these four ways to improve your communication and watch the positive difference they will make in your communication effectiveness and the reduction they will make in your stress and frustration levels when you interact with others.

(I recently wrote a special report that amplifies these ideas a bit and presents a five step model for better communication. You can get a copy here.)

1 Categories : Communication Skills, Family Relationships, Leadership Skills, Resolving Conflict

Jan
24

Five Secrets for More Persuasive Writing

by Guy Harris

Have you ever read a dry, boring email, blog post, letter, or proposal? If you have, you know how dreadfully non-persuasive they can be. You also know how easy it is to miss the message the author attempted to convey.

If you want to have your message read and acted upon, here are five tips – secrets – for more persuasive writing…

1. Write from your reader’s perspective

Before you start, consider the viewpoint that your readers will likely use as they interpret what you have written. In another post, I wrote about this consideration based on their DISC style, and it is only one of the factors to consider.

Some of the other factors you could consider are:

Your relationship with them
Their position in the organization
Pressures they might be facing
Anything in their role or relationships that might limit their ability to act on what you propose
Their past experiences

The list above is not a complete or exhaustive list. It does highlight some of the main items to factor into how you deliver your message and what might affect your persuasive power.

2. Write the way that people read

Consider these two ideas:

Most business and personal communications are intended to quickly communicate an idea.
Many people do not like to read long paragraphs and sentences (especially on computer screens).

Unless you are writing a novel or an academic research paper, use short sentences, short paragraphs, and lots of white space.

3. Anticipate and address your reader’s greatest objections

If the purpose of your communication is persuasion, your reader will likely object to something in it. When you write, attempt to anticipate these objections and include information to address them.

4. Use comparisons

For a number of reasons, new ideas tend to bounce off the human brain the way tennis balls bounce off a concrete wall. Comparisons act like glue to link new ideas or difficult concepts to simpler or already accepted ones so that they stick.

A comparison of any kind – metaphor, simile, or analogy – can help your reader to both understand and remember your message so that they take action on it.

5. Tell stories

People tend to experience life as a chronological story and to think about new ideas based on how the new idea fits into the story in their mind. Presenting an idea in a story makes the idea easier to receive. Like comparisons, stories help ideas stick in the mind of your reader.

When my children were young, my wife and I read stories to them. We chose some of the stories for the express intent of teaching them a new idea. For example, we used Green Eggs and Ham to teach the concept of trying new foods before rejecting them. Thinking of the character Sam while we were at the dinner table helped them to visualize what we wanted them to do – try the food before saying “I don’t like it.”

If you can find a way to present your idea with a story, do it. Your writing will be more persuasive.

The danger of writing about how to write better is that, well, it’s in writing. As a result, I run the risk of violating the very secrets that I propose. From your perspective, I may have done just that. If I did, I would welcome constructive comments to help me – and my readers – improve.

If you would like other suggestions, here’s a post over at Copyblogger that also tackles the idea of more persuasive writing.

1 Categories : Communication Skills, Persuasion, Writing

Nov
17

Six Questions to Make Sure You Have Communicated Effectively

by Guy Harris

The communication process really should be easy. You say something to another person. They hear it. They act in a way that is consistent with what you said. End of discussion.

And, it’s not quite that easy.

In reality, the process for spoken communication goes like this:

You get a picture in your mind of what you want to communicate.
You convert that picture into words, tone, and body language that describes the picture as you see it.
The other person hears the words and notices your tone and body language.
The other person converts the words, tone, and body language into a picture in their mind.
The other person reacts to the picture as they see it.

The reason the real process doesn’t always go as smoothly as the ideal process lies in two key phrases: “as you see it” and “as they see it.”

The challenge in communication is that we often use words, tone and body language that mean one thing to us and something very different to another person. The difference might only be small, and still it is different. As the differences get bigger they can cause major miscommunications that result in wasted time, effort, and energy. In high-stakes or emotion-charged situations, even small differences can drive the conversation in a negative direction.

One way to bridge the differences between how you interpret a message and how another person interprets the same message is to include a feedback loop – you might say an understanding check – into your communications strategies.

As I wrote before, I am not a big fan of silver-bullet, one-size-fits-all communication techniques. I think you need to consider the whole situation before you apply any specific technique or tactic.

At the same time, I think there are some phrases and approaches you can add to your repertoire in preparation for high-stakes or emotionally-charged situations so that you can respond better when you are under pressure.

The communication feedback loop is one approach that I recommend in my private coaching sessions and in the communication workshops that I lead. In my last post, I wrote about the feedback loop in terms of how to apply it to make sure that you understand others more clearly. Today, I’m offering the other side of the communication feedback loop – checking the other person’s understanding of what you said.

In many respects, this side of the feedback loop is a bit more delicate than repeating back what you heard. In this case, you are going to ask the other person to tell you what message they received from your communication effort. Done poorly, asking the other person what they heard can come across as condescending or aggressive. So, you have to work extra hard to add more words, to soften your tone, and to choose non-threatening body language to make this work.

Here are six questions you can use to make sure you have communicated effectively:

“Would you please say what you heard me say, so I can be sure that I was clear?”
“So that I can make sure I communicated clearly, would you please tell me what you heard me say?”
“I just want to make sure that I am clear. Would you please tell me what you understood me to say?”
“I’d like to make sure I said that clearly. Please tell me what you heard?”
“I’m not sure that I am conveying my idea the best way. What have you heard me say?”
“I may have said that in a way that does not really communicate what I’m trying to say. If I did, I’d like a chance to rephrase it. What message did you hear?”

As I suggested in my post about the Five Questions to Make Sure that You Understand Others Correctly, I offer this list as a starting point for you to develop your own. As you develop your list, remember the underlying idea – if there was a miscommunication of any kind, you take the responsibility.

I’d love to see ideas you have for other ways to check understanding. Please add them in the comments section.