In one way or another, I have commented on this common difference between people in this blog and in other articles. It seems that I have, in many cases, made the point in an indirect way. Today, I thought I would make a more explicit observation about one of the common differences between task-oriented people and people-oriented people (from the DISC model):

• Task-oriented people generally “think” about things (including relationships).
• People-oriented people generally “feel” about things (including tasks).

In a previous post, I shared the story about calling home while I was traveling. That story illustrated my task nature and how I made a relational effort (calling home) into a task. That story also illustrated how the way that I defined the task led me to ignore the relational aspect of calling home. I called home and I was done. No conversation. No real listening. I checked out when my task (calling home) was checked off my list.

A similar mental barrier can creep into the approach that people-oriented people take with regard to tasks.

For example, I once worked with an extremely people-oriented person on evaluating a potential business investment. As we talked through his options, we came to a logical conclusion about what he should do next. After we came to our conclusion, he paused and said that he had some reservations about being able to invest the money needed to move forward.

I said: “How much money do you have?”

He said: “I don’t know for sure. I just don’t feel like I have enough.”

I wanted to say (but, thankfully, I didn’t): “How much money you feel like you have was not the question. I asked, how much do you have?”

At that moment, we could have had a major communication breakdown. He felt rather than thought about a factual, data-driven issue.

My colleague in this story is a very intelligent person. We did not get into a conflict over this situation because we were both able to adjust our communication styles (word choice, tone, etc) to better connect with each other.

What if, instead of holding back my initial thought, I had said what was in my mind: “…how much do you have?” (With the accompanying sarcastic tone.)

How would our relationship have progressed from that point?

I think it would not have gone well.

The misinterpretation of intent that often comes from this simple difference in perspective and approach can create some pretty intense conflicts.

Task-oriented people can think that people-oriented people are not rational.

People-oriented people can feel that task-oriented people don’t care.

And both assumptions are often wrong.

When you find yourself communicating with a person who is reserved and task-oriented (primary Cautious behavioral style), remember these key communication tips:

• Slow down — they usually want you to give them time to process what you’re saying before they respond.
• Use data and third-party information to support your position — they want to know that you have done your homework.
• Talk about thoughts more than feelings — while they are not totally unemotional, they are more likely to be persuaded by thoughts than by feelings.
• Listen thoroughly to their concerns and objections — they want you to take the time to understand all of the thoughts and concerns they have so that they can be sure you have completely and accurately thought through your position.
• Give good, logic and data-based reasons for your thoughts and requests — more than any of the other behavioral styles, people with strong Cautious traits want to know “why” you want to do something before they will take action on it.

Remember these suggestions the next time you interact with people who are slower-paced and task-oriented, and you will improve the odds that they listen to, understand, and take action on your message.

Check this post, for more insights on how to guess at a person’s DISC style.

One way to improve your communication effectiveness is to communicate in a way that best fits the other person’s DISC behavioral style.

When you find yourself communicating with a person who is outgoing and task-oriented (primary Dominant behavioral style), remember these key communication tips:

• Get to the point quickly — offer the results or conclusions and then your data or analysis.
• Focus on results and outcomes — process and feelings are less important to them than results.
• Give them options — they want the opportunity to choose.
• Look them in the eye and speak-up —  they seldom have patience for people who do not have confidence.
• Show them respect — they also want you to show respect for them, their position, and their work.

Remember these suggestions the next time you interact with people who are fast-paced and task-oriented, and you will improve the odds that they listen to, understand, and take action on your message.

Check this post, for more insights on how to guess at a person’s DISC style.

Guy Gives a Quick Overview of
The DISC Model of Human Behavior

As a teenager and young adult, I thought people were totally irrational and unpredictable. In my thirties, I learned about patterns of behavior that people tend to follow in many areas of their lives and in many situations.

Understanding these patterns helped me to realize that people are not totally irrational. Most people simply see the world, prioritize their activities, communicate with others, and act according to relatively predictable patterns of behavior.

The model I learned, and eventually studied to the point of becoming a master trainer, is the DISC model of human behavior.

Before we even get into this post too deeply, I want to emphasize the statement that people tend to do things in predictable ways. I do not mean anything in this post to box people in, label people, or to imply that any of us can know everything about any other person merely by understanding their primary behavioral style (actually styles). Still, understanding the model can form a strong basis for learning to communicate with and understand other people in better and more effective ways.

That being said, here’s a brief overview of how the model describes our behaviors. I’ll be writing more over time. I hope you’ll check back in the future for more posts on this topic.

The foundation for the DISC model comes from the work of a Harvard psychologist named Dr. William Moulton Marston in the 1920′s. He developed a theory that people tend to develop a self-concept based on one of four factors — Dominance, Inducement, Steadiness, or Compliance. This idea forms the basis for the DISC theory as it is commonly applied today.

Later psychologists and behavioral specialists developed a variety of practical tools to apply Marston’s theory. Currently, there are many assessment and measurement tools based on the DISC model.

Dr. Robert Rohm — founder and president of Personality Insights, Inc of Atlanta, Georgia — has developed the best collection of practical application tools using the DISC model that I have found. Through his work, his publications, the work of his team, and a network of Human Behavioral consultants certified to teach his material; he has reached millions of people around the world.

In the DISC model as taught by Personality Insights consultants, the full range of normal human behavior is defined by a circle divided into quadrants as described below.

Divide a circle in half horizontally. The upper half represents outgoing or fast-paced people. The lower half represents reserved or slower-paced people. Outgoing people tend to move fast, talk fast, and decide fast. Reserved people tend to speak more slowly and softer than outgoing people, and they generally prefer to consider things thoroughly before making a decision.

The circle can also be divided vertically. The left half represents task-oriented people. The right half represents people-oriented people. Task-oriented people tend to focus on logic, data, results and projects. People-oriented people tend to focus on experiences, feelings, relationships, and interactions with other people.

Combining these two circles completes the model description…

This post is intended as a brief introduction to the DISC model. I’ll be writing more in the future. If you would like to get an estimate of your primary behavioral styles, check my Free DISC Profile site.

Try as I might, I could not get my mind to focus on what she was saying. I could only think about what I still had to do to prepare for the next day before going to bed. Sadly, this is not the first time I have struggled to have a fruitful conversation with my wife while I am traveling for business.

After we ended our phone call and I hung-up the phone, I finally realized the cause for this problem. My wife was not the problem. The topic of conversation was not the problem. My desire to engage in the conversation was not the problem.

I really wanted to engage, and I couldn’t because of the way I had defined the task of calling home. (Since I am a pretty task-oriented person, even relationship issues become tasks in my mind.)

Here’s the way my mental task list looked:

• Check my course notes.
• Confirm I have all training resources ready to go.
• Call home.
• Press my clothes.
• Read to relax.
• Go to bed.

Notice that the way I defined the task of calling home did not include listening to my wife and engaging in a conversation. And therein lies the problem. As soon as she answered the phone, my task was complete.  I had called home.

When I mentally checked “call home” off my list, my task-oriented mind immediately shifted to the next task – press my clothes. As a result, I couldn’t force myself to listen despite my desire to do so.

Now I realize that in order to keep myself under control, I have to redefine the task to include listening and engaging in conversation.

If you’re as task-oriented as I am and you want to build strong relationships at work and at home, you might consider looking at how you define your relationship related “tasks.” Make sure that you include the relationship parts of the task in your definition.

If you’re more people-oriented than me, my struggle may not make any sense to you at all. I totally understand. You may, though, have the opposite challenge. You might define task issues by their relationship impact and that definition just might get in your way at times.

Here’s the bottom-line: if you encounter situations that frequently cause you to trip up in your relationships, take a close look at how you’re defining the situation. Your definition might be the source of your problem.

In my last blog post, I gave three tips to help task oriented people resolve conflict with people oriented individuals. In this post, I’ll change the perspective by suggesting three tips that go the other direction.

1) Express what you “think” rather than how you “feel.”

If you have a stronger people orientation than task orientation, you likely process interactions with others based on how you feel about them and the situation. This perspective may even apply when you discuss factual issues like money, time, data, etc. I have observed many interactions that escalated out-of-control when one person spoke in terms of feelings while the other person spoke in terms of thoughts. If you want to connect with a task-oriented person so that they really understand you, stay focused on the facts. (Seven Ways to Improve Your Communication During a Conflict provides some more insights in this area.)

2) Get to the point quickly

Think carefully about what you want to say, and then say it as directly as possible. If you stay focused on facts more than feelings, a direct and to-the-point statement will help a task oriented person understand your perspective more clearly. The longer you talk, the more frustrated they will likely become. As their frustration grows,their ability to listen will decrease.

3) Focus on actions to move forward

This tip builds on the first tip. Task oriented people tend to think in terms of what they can “do” to move forward. They often want to get moving rather than talk about past events or feelings. The more you focus on future actions to “fix” the problem, the more you improve the odds that they will engage with you in a positive way.

As you work and interact with people who are more task oriented than you, remember to keep your primary focus on future plans and actions. This effort on your part will reduce the discomfort they have with discussing feelings and will move you towards resolution.