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One day a few years ago, my daughter and I had to drive about thirty miles on county roads through rural Indiana. Snow was not falling on the day we made this drive. However, there was plenty of snow in the fields on either side of the roads and the wind was blowing. Under these conditions, large sections of these roads are often covered with
The perception of threat is the primary cause for conflict escalation. The most important word in the previous sentence is perception. If you have no intention of causing the other person harm (either physically or emotionally) and they perceive that you do intend to harm them, your real intentions do not matter. With regard to the affect your actions have on the conflict, it only
Like so many words we use commonly, trust has many layers of meaning. While most of us have similar general perspectives about what it means to trust another person, there are some subtle differences in how we view this simple word. The words I often use to describe the two sides of trust are transactional trust and relational trust, and here is how I define
Apology is a powerful — and often under used — conflict resolution tool. One reason for not apologizing that I often hear in my work with clients is the concern that apologizing either totally admits fault for the conflict or reveals a weakness. While these concerns may be legitimate in some situations, they are overblown in most cases. The perception of threat is the primary reason for
A common reason that conflicts escalate is the perception of threat one or both parties see in the conflict escalation cycle. Taking an action that makes you non-threatening to the other person is a powerful step towards de-escalating the conflict. In many conflict situations I have observed a tendency by some people to minimize, criticize, or demean the emotions expressed by other people. I have
Most supervisors deliver performance feedback to members of their team. A face-to-face meeting is the most common way to deliver feedback. During this meeting, the words you use are only part of your message. Your full message is a combination of the words you choose and the emotion you transmit. When you deliver performance feedback, the emotional part becomes particularly challenging. People receiving feedback are
Recently, I read this statement: “They keep yelling at me that I’m not listening.” I would love to give credit to the person who said it, but I’ve lost the source. I think I saw it as a tweet in my twitter stream. I’m just not sure of that. In any case, I thought it was funny. Funny? Yes. A good perspective for conflict
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