Are You a Conflict Rock Star or Conflict Coward?

1. I believe that conflict…
Is bad
Is good
Could be good or bad. It depends on how you handle it.
Is more bad than good, and that it will happen in all relationships.
2. My view of conflict is…
It’s awful. I try to avoid it at all costs
I don’t like it. It brings out the worst in me and I get angry with people.
I accept it as a part of life and I deal with it when necessary
I kind of like it. It’s a chance for us to voice our opinions and engage in debate.
3. When people confront me, I…
Go right back at them. I never back down.
Look for a way out. I prefer to leave the situation than to engage in it
Start getting stressed. I don’t really know what to do.
Listen to what they have to say and look for a way to bridge our differences.
4. When another person does something that frustrates or offends me, I…
Rarely say anything. I would rather let it blow over than run the risk of offending them.
Tell them directly and immediately.
Try to find a time when we can speak privately about the issue.
Approach it indirectly – have someone else deal with it, make sarcastic comments, talk around the issue in the hope that the other person will “get the message.”
5. When I am with other people who are having a conflict discussion, I…
Listen to both sides and try to clear up miscommunications in both directions.
Disengage and wait for it to pass.
Tell them how to solve the problem.
Try to smooth over the issue – change the topic, divert attention, make a joke, etc.
6. When I have to speak with another person about their behaviors, I…
Get to the point quickly and tell them what needs to change.
Engage them in conversation and try to help them see the need to change.
Gently approach the conversation in an apologetic fashion.
Inquire about their perspective and discuss the situation to look for mutual commitments about future behaviors.
7. When I disagree with another person, I generally…
Assume they have good reasons for their viewpoint, and I engage them in conversation.
Tell them what I think and how I see the situation.
Say as little as possible. I might say nothing.
Try to get them to understand my perspective.
8. I assume that conflict means…
My relationship with the other person is in danger.
We have different opinions or perspectives that need to be explored and reconciled.
I need to correct the other person’s perspective.
The other person does not like/respect/value/appreciate my perspective.

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