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Conflict Resolution Lesson: Recognize Redirected Aggression

By Guy Harris


If you look carefully, you can learn lessons from many everyday events.

Yesterday, my daughter, Alexandra, showed one of our cats, Merlin, in our county 4-H fair.

Generally, Merlin is the cat you see in the picture above. He lounges on our deck. He sleeps on the steps. He stays with us in the yard. He insists that we pet him when we are in the garage. He is a really friendly cat.

At the fair, he was in a cage in a hot building surrounded by other cats, people he did not know, and smells he did not recognize. And, he had to wear a harness.

During the judging, a person he had never met before held him and inspected him in front of about 30 onlookers.

He hissed at the judge.

When I took him from the cage to put him in the carrier for the trip back home, he hissed and growled at me.

When I got him into the garage and opened the carrier, he growled at me and ran away.

After I got him back to the garage, he growled and hissed at me as I removed his harness.

As he was lying on the steps from the garage to the kitchen, I petted him, and he growled and hissed at me.

Merlin was not a happy kitty.

In case you haven't been around cats very much, they can have what is called redirected aggression. Basically, this means that when they cannot directly address something that is irritating them, they just might express their aggression in a different direction against another animal or a person who had nothing to do with their initial frustration.

And, people often respond the same way. They feel stress, frustration, or irritation in one area of their life or in one relationship, and they vent it in a different area of their life or in a different relationship. I'm not saying this is a good thing. I'm just observing that it happens.

In Merlin's case, I didn't take him to the fair, and I wasn't there during the judging. I didn't do any of the things that stressed him. I just took him home.

Can you believe the nerve? He was mad at me — his rescuer!

When he growled and hissed at me, I didn't get angry with him. I could see that he was hot, scared, and stressed. He was losing large quantities of hair (that's a sign of stress in cats). I could tell that he was not angry with me directly. He was simply displaying redirected aggression.

So, I was nice to him. The cat that was growling at me got kind words and petting in return.

It worked like a charm. Within a few minutes of getting home, hearing kind words, and getting his head scratched, he was back to his normal, loving self.

I recognize that people are far more complex than cats. And, can't we learn a lesson from Merlin?

When people are stressed, tired, frustrated, irritated, scared, or hungry; they just might display some redirected aggression. As long as no one is getting physically hurt, why not try to understand rather than criticize or confront?

Calming words and an understanding attitude just might be what it takes to help them, like Merlin, return to normal.

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Filed Under: Resolving Conflict Tagged With: conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, redirected aggression, Resolving Conflict, understanding people

Comments

  1. David Weimar says

    July 24, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    The redirected aggression may not be as evident as Merlin’s, depending on one’s personality. Merlin’s type is obvious and readily dealt with. Many humans with more reserved personalities, may not show any reaction at all. Dilligent digging may be required to help relieve the stress that Merlin so freely demonstrates.

    • Guy Harris says

      July 25, 2010 at 1:44 am

      Good point, Dave. As you said, not everyone will be quite as obvious as Merlin. Thanks for the reminder that we sometimes (maybe I should say often) have to dig a little and listen carefully to really understand what someone else is feeling and experiencing at any given moment.

  2. CommDiscussion says

    July 25, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    I notice this most with the executives I work with. If they are in a bad mood, they tend to be very negative in reviewing projects, even if the person presenting the project is an innocent bystander 🙂

    • Guy Harris says

      July 26, 2010 at 12:13 am

      Great example of how this issue can show up. I have seen exactly the same thing. Thanks for sharing your experience!

  3. Jon Baker says

    August 17, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Brilliant article, great analogy. Thank you.

    • Guy Harris says

      August 19, 2011 at 1:25 am

      Jon – Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

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