Guy Harris: The Recovering Engineer
Reflect, Respect, Reengineer, and Reinvent
I love quotes. They often capture big concepts in only a few words. They give me “thought anchors” to help me collect and focus my thoughts. This is a quick video I put together to capture some great conflict resolution quotes that help and inspire me. I hope it stimulates your thinking about the mindset of successful conflict resolution. Enjoy!
The video pretty much says it all for this post. It quickly gives you four steps for applying the DISC model for success with others.
In a nutshell, the four steps are…
The video is about 7 minutes long.
If you would like insights for how to apply these four steps better, you can check out my Connecting With People and DISC Model FAQ's post series. For even deeper insights, check out my products. If you really want to master these four steps, take a look at The Ultimate Communicator Workshop.
I often hear people ask questions about the DISC model that indicate a desire to use the model to somehow change others.
Rather than using the model to label, categorize, or stereotype people, I suggest a different approach: use the DISC model to find ways to connect with other people in better, more effective ways.
Towards that end, one question that I suggest you ask yourself is this:
How can I use the DISC model to better understand other people and change my behaviors so that I communicate more clearly?
My message is pretty simple: get over yourself.
Learn to adjust and modify your words and actions so that they are heard and understood more quickly and more clearly by other people.
This is what I strive to do every day. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. The more I work at it though, the better I get. And you can do it, too.
Do this, and you will significantly improve your effectiveness as a leader, team member, or parent.
People often tell me that they believe that they have changed their personality style, and then they ask me if I think this is possible.
My general answer is this: It might be possible. I don't think it is probable.
In short, I don't think that your core, inner, basic personality style changes unless you experience some type of major psychological or brain trauma.
I do think that you can learn to behave differently in different situations. I think that you can learn to adapt, mold, and shape your behavioral style to increase your effectiveness in a broad range of situations.
However, changing your words and actions does not change your personality style.
Further, why would you want to change your personality style? Assuming that you fall in the range of normal human psychology, your personality style is just another expression of “normal.”
Wanting to change your personality style implies that there is something wrong with your natural one.
In the vast majority of people, there is nothing wrong with their personality style. So, why try to change it?
As we consider the question raised in the title of this post, we have to carefully distinguish between who we are and what we do.
Personality style relates to our perceptions, interpretations, priorities, and reactions to the world around us. Behavior style is often related to our personality style, and it is influenced by many other things. Personality style is part of who we are. Behavior style is merely what we do. They are definitely related. They are not exactly the same thing.
So, can you change your behaviors in response to the world around you? Absolutely you can!
Can you change your personality style? Not real likely.
As I teach, train, and coach using the DISC model, people hear me say that I encourage them to change their behaviors to fit the situation and to better connect with other people.
Sometimes, people ask me if consciously changing behavior is phoney or fake. This concern raises another common question about the DISC model, and how I recommend people use it to connect and communicate more effectively.
In answering this question, I often refer to a Thomas Jefferson quote:
In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock.
As I see it, choosing a behavior, word, or tone that will improve your communication effectiveness is not a moral or ethical issue. It is just a matter of style.
We often change our behaviors for different environments. For example, most people recognize that appropriate behavior during a wedding ceremony is likely to be different from appropriate behavior at the celebration party after the ceremony. Different environments call for different behaviors.
As long as your intent is not to defraud, manipulate, or somehow deceive the other person, behaving in a way that might be uncomfortable or unnatural for you in the interest of connecting with them is not fake or phoney. Rather, I see it as working to create a better environment for the other person.
