Seven Reasons to Develop Conflict Confidence

At one time, I thought I taught conflict resolution. Over time, I have come to realize that I don't really teach conflict resolution as much as I teach conflict confidence.

To resolve a conflict, you need the other person's cooperation. Since you cannot demand or force cooperation, you have no control over how the other person will respond to your efforts. As a result, you cannot single-handedly resolve a conflict. You can, however, learn communication, influence, and conflict resolution skills so that you can confidently engage in a conflict conversation with the hopes of leading to a successful outcome.

As I work with clients and help people work through conflicts, I see lack of confidence as a major impediment to successful conflict resolution. In fact, I see it as a major driver leading people to communicate either too passively or too aggressively. Depending on your natural behavior style, lack of confidence might cause you to go either direction. Assertive communication strategies call for you to respond confidently and calmly in tense situations to preserve relationships and to resolve conflicts.

People who lack conflict confidence tend to either retreat or attack when the pressure hits, and those approaches lead to:

Distractions that take the focus off of work that needs to get done
High levels of stress and anxiety
Lost time as people avoid each other or delay conversations
Damaged relationships
Reduced esteem for the other party
Lack of respect for different viewpoints
Distrust of motives and intentions

People with conflict confidence, though, realize that conflict resolution usually lies on the other side of a successful conflict conversation between two people with different viewpoints. They seldom see conflict as a battle between right and wrong. They are able to confidently plan for and engage in the dialogue without attacking the other person or retreating prematurely. As a result, people with conflict confidence….